Meet the Family

For lack of any creativity, I decided to interview the Cod-clan. I'll ask them a few questions and type their replies verbatim. By doing that, it may read a bit weird at times. Deal with it.

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First up...

Emmy-Cod.....5 years old going on 18.

Me- What's your name, rank and serial number?

EC- uh....whaaaaat did you say? What did you say, Daddy? Name, rank and cereal number? Cereal number?

Me- yeah, serial number

EC- cereal is YUMMY.....can I have some cereal please?

Me- not right now pumpkin

EC- ok, now what?

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Me- Who are you?

EC- EMMY!! Who are you?

Me- I'm your Dad.

EC- ok, now what?

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Me- What's going on with the Red Sox bullpen this year?

EC- ..........

Me- Emmy (she turns her gaze from the tv)

EC- hmm?

Me- (repeats question)

EC- cause they're not winning this year...yes, that's their problem....they aren't winning and that's not good

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Me- What's your favorite food?

EC- chocolate ice cream

Me- that's not really food

EC- yes it is, to me...so what else do I need to do?

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Me- What is your least favorite food?

EC- umm....uhh....ummm....the food that I don't like with peanut butter....ummm...things I don't like are butter and jelly cause we don't have it....I like the jelly at camp

Me- What camp?

EC- the camp that um, go to the camp, that um, that we go to, we go to the camp, Pocket Cod you have to go to camp next week

Me- EC, you don't go to camp

EC- yes, I do....the camp that the (neighbors) took us to because I love it so much

Me- you don't go anymore

EC- I know

Me- ok, then you don't go, do you?

EC- (sung to the tune that only she knows) IlovecamplalalacampcampcamplalalaIneeditbumpbumpgotocamplalala......

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Me- Why don't you clean your room?

EC- because, ah...what did you say?

Me- Why don't you clean your room?

EC- why don't I clean my room? because I don't want to keep it clean because I don't like it that way...I wanna keep it clean cause I like it that way cause I like to keep it clean that way cause I like it every day I try to not messy in my room again I keep doing it I don't know why

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Me- what do you think about your two brothers?

EC- they're very nice and they are very cute (she then hugs Pocket Cod and says...."I could love him so much I could kiss him" and then she kisses Pocket Cod....a fierce wrestling match ensues)

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Me- one more question, who is the most handsome man that you've ever seen?

EC- (without hesitation) you

Me- that's my girl
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Next up, Tre Cool....13yrs old going on 6-feet under. Don't expect TC to be very entertaining, his answers will be bland and offer up nothing. He would make a GREAT politician!

Me- Name, rank, serial number?

TC- (strange look)....what?...what is a rank?

Me- it's used in the Army

TC- (irritated already) I'm not in the Army!

Me- I know....it's just, ah....forget it

(this is going well already)

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Me- Ok, who are you?

TC- who am I?

Me- yes

TC- (really slow, like I'm a moron) I'm.... Tre...... Cool

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Me- Who am I and why am I so damn good looking?

TC- (weird smile) are you talking about me or you?

Me- me

TC- You're Daddy Cod and you're not good looking.

Me- that's it? you're killing me here

TC- (nods)

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Me- Who is your favorite Sox player?

TC- umm...ahhh...I'll go with Bill Mueller.

Me- Why?

TC- because he gets the bat on the ball and he's a decent defensive player

Me- So, he's just like you except that he gets the bat on the ball and he's a decent defensive player?

TC- hey, shut up!!

Me- (tee-hee)

(this is riveting, ain't it?)

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Me- How many chicks do you have chasing you around? After all, you do have the blood of Cod-Juan in you...

TC- (irritated) I don't know

Me- Ok, I didn't want to ask this but (sigh), how many guys, then?

TC- (evil look with dramatic pause)..... zero... (he turn and shakes his head obviously disgusted with his old man, yet again)

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Me- What do you think about your brother and sister?

TC- they're cool but sometimes they get on my nerves

Me- just sometimes?

TC- basically all the time....the only times they don't is while I'm sleeping or they aren't around

Me- did you ever think that maybe it's you that bugs them?

TC- no...well, sometimes.....usually Pocket Cod just irritates me for the heck of it

(he really does)

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Me- Why won't you clean your room?

TC- cause I'm too fat and lazy...wait, don't type that, just cause I'm too lazy

Me- Why are you so damn lazy?

TC- (silence....then I poke him) ......I'm thinking ( more silence).....I don't know

Me- try not to talk too much

TC- ok

(I guarantee you that this is more painful to type than it is to read, so bear with me)
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Me- Who is the most handsome bastard that you have ever seen?

TC- (without hesitation) me

Me- if your so damn good looking, then why aren't there any people chasing you around

TC- I said that I didn't know how many. I didn't say that there aren't any.

(thankfully, that's it for Tre Cool. Let's move on)

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Next up, Pocket Cod who is 8 going on MLB All Star.

Me- Why are we on this earth?

PC- someone discovered it

Me- discovered what?

PC- earth....no America

Me- ok, so someone discovered America and that's why we're on this earth?

PC- yeah

Me- wouldn't someone have to have been on the earth already in order to find America?

PC- no, cause I think that it was London or England that discovered America

Me- ok
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Me- what is your favorite thing in the world?

PC- baseball

Me- I knew that you'd say that....why do you like it so much?

PC- cause I'm very good at it

Me- says who?

PC- (with a goofy smile) Meeeeeeee......

Me- you must have had a THE GREATEST BASEBALL TEACHER EVER....

PC- umm...yeah, I guess

Me- thanks
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Me- Why won't you eat eggs?

PC- because I don't like them at all...I don't like the taste of them

Me- well, how do you know that without eating them?

PC- because I ate them before and there Bleck

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Me- Why don't you clean your room?

PC- I just cleaned it today

Me- for money

PC- for money!! for my game that I want to buy

Me- but why do you need money in order to clean?

PC- because I want to buy a game that I really want

Me- would you clean it for free?

PC- ummmm, yes

Me- now you're just lying for the people that read this

PC- no I'm not, but I just want a game so badly so I asked for money

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Me- Why am I so cool?

PC- cause you look like me

Me- heh, no you look like me because I'm your Dad

PC- that's what I meant to say

Me- that you look like me?

PC- no, I look like me

Me- say what? what? I'm confused

PC- I don't care
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Me- Why is the sky blue?

PC- cause it's blue

Me- but why?

PC- cause its just blue with white in it....no, its black, it's black

Me- the sky is black?

PC- yes, its the sun that is reflecting on it...the sun is reflecting on the sky so it will stay blue

Me- the sun isn't black

PC- I know, I said the suns reflects on the sky so it will make blue

ME- but what causes the blue color?

PC- ummm, black

Me- black what?

PC- the black sky

Me- so black is blue

PC- the sun reflects on the black and makes it blue

Me- reflects off of what?

PC- the clouds, the sun reflects on the clouds and makes the black sky blue

Me- ok, sounds good

PC- Dad, without the sun we would be in the dark all the time and there would be no blue.

Me- ok, that clears it right up for me

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Me- what do you think about having a sister and a brother?

PC- (gives the thumbs-down sign and let's a raspberry go...a real wet one)

Me- Well put.

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Well, that's about it for the Cod Clan.

Public school....yeesh.