Screw The Consumer Gods (and your kids)

So another Buy-Mas has passed and I am stuck with yet another pile of crap that my kids will never use. I think that a line from my Aunt on Christmas day directed towards my eldest son says it all...."You haven't used that yet? I bought you that last Christmas". Year after year my kids get things that they "have to have or they will die" only to forget about them 2 weeks later...if even that long. Every year I swear that I will save the boxes for them because they seem to end up having the most fun with them. Would it be morally wrong just to give empty boxes as gifts? It would kill two birds with one stone. You could save money and give gifts that would be appreciated. This and several other reasons are why I am willing to share Colin's Plan to a Monetarily Viable Christmas.

Let's check a few of them out....

#1. You can get the empty boxes from the back of your local grocery store. Some stores will even bring them out to you if you ask.

#2. They are usually banana boxes so they can double as air fresheners. Everyone that has kids or lives in NY (I'm looking at you, Blair) knows that air fresheners are a must. Especially you Yank-me fans after your stinkass loss and world class choke-job to the WORLD CHAMPION RED SOX!! I'm just trying to help you guys out. Offering up the proverbial olive branch.
**note to my P.O.** (Does that count as community service? It's kind of like helping out disabled children, the Yank-me fans)

#3. If you color the box a little, you can tell the kids that it is some new cool character on tv. Kids are inherently dumb.....well, mine are anyways. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, I know. Luckily the tree is my brother. At least that is what Maury Povich tells me.

#4. If you give them crap now, they'll be conditioned to get crap every year. Hey, it worked for me. (Sorry Mom, just kidding.....or am I?)

#5. It is also funny to watch their little looks of disappointment when they get nothing but an empty box after you psyche them up for the NEW CYBERBOT KILL KILL TOY BASEBALL SIMS PLAYER BANDICOOT PS2 GAME 2005!

Those are just 5 easy ways to make your next Christmas, and many more for sure, more bearable on the old wallet. This is just a smidgeon of my self-proclaimed (and I can't emphasize that enough) brilliance when it comes to giving gifts not only to your children, but other people as well. Now you'll have to excuse me. I have to go clear space on the mantle for my Father Of The Year award that is sure to come soon.

Until next time.....