My Job (well, it was...)-Part 2

Let's see, where did we leave off?

Let me check...Oh yeah. We have ice, fuel and grub and we're headed out.

One more quick note about that....(careful, this is my hippie time)

There is something very optimistic about that first day. Steaming out with a boat load of supplies, it seems like no matter how bad fishing may have been or how miserable that everything might have gone that last trip, you always think that this next trip will be the one. The one that you fill 'er up early. The one where you will make $2500 for a few days work. The one where the weather will be good and nothing will break. The one where the pots and pans won't go cascading onto the carpet after a rather large wave.

It really is kind of odd because I'm not an outwardly optimistic person by nature. By that, I mean that if I am feeling optimistic about something, I will keep it to myself for fear of jinxing it. You may think that is odd, but I have seen many a time where we start catching as ass-load of fish and as soon as someone says, "Wow. We're doing good out of this string." the fish stop coming or something breaks. I swear, it's almost a given. I’m very superstitious when it comes to things like that. As far as fisherman in general go, I’m quite lax when it comes to dumb superstitions. Some of the old timers have more than you can imagine. Here are a few of the superstitions that I have either heard, or subscribe fully to…

Never, and I mean NEVER flip a hatch cover over when you take it off to get to the fish hold/lazerette/engine room etc. It symbolizes the boat capsized and is upside down. (That’s a big one for me)

Never paint your boat blue. I don’t know where that one came from. I worked on a blue boat for three years and….wait, I’m a bad example. Don’t paint your boat blue.

Never whistle. It sounds like high winds whipping through the antennas and will bring a storm within the next day or so.

Never eat a banana. I never knew where or why that originated. I have heard it from people in the middle of the country and read it in magazines. Who knows? That’ll be a good project for you guys. Let me know how you make out.

Never say “pig” on a boat…..ever. They can’t swim and somehow that’s supposed to relate to you. I don’t subscribe to that one…at all. Here's a funny little story about that…

We had a hardcore Mainer (a guy who grew up in downeast Maine, up by Nova Scotia. They are their own breed up there) by the name of “Bob” who worked with us for a couple of years who swore by all of these silly superstitions…none more so than the pig one. He wouldn’t even refer to a pig on land by any other name than “a fuckin’ curly.”

We used to taunt him by saying it all the time while out fishing and he would legitimately get upset. One time after we were done getting ice and loading some grub on the boat, my buddy Billy thought that it would be funny to buy this little pig hand-brush while he was out shopping just to taunt Bob. It even came with it’s own little sty to stay in when it wasn’t being used. It looked kind of like this, except with its mouth closed…and in the sty, of course.

Well, I saw that pig, just knew that Bob would have a fit, so I had to add my two cents to his aggravation. I drew a beard (he had just grown one for the winter) on it, drew a smoke hanging out of its mouth and wrote “Bob” on it in big letters on the side.

This had all gone on while Bob was finishing up doing some maintenance in the fish hold. When he came up, we were all standing there with shit-eating grins on our faces while waiting for him to notice it. Once he saw our faces, he immediately had known that we had done something to him….yet again. He furtively looked around, saw that bearded pig with his name on it and freaked out. I mean he really, positively, absolutely, posilutely flipped. And this guy was normally as mellow as they came, so we knew we had hit a nerve and maybe had gone a little too far this time. Nah….it’s never too far.

He started yelling and screaming about what assholes that we are and lunged for the pig with the intention of throwing it over the side. Luckily, we were able to wrestle him to the deck (it took two of us) and pry it out his angrily clenched fists before “Bob jr.” could go swimming. After we tore it away from him, he immediately stomped down below to his bunk, grabbed his stuff and started chucking all of it onto the pier because he was going to quit right then and there….all because of a pig. I couldn’t believe what was going on. I knew that he was serious about these silly superstitions, but damn.

We eventually calmed him down enough to stay on the boat working with us by promising him that we would take “that fuckin’ curly” off the boat as soon as we got back to the dock. What he didn’t know was that instead of deep-sixing the oinker, we hid it in a cupboard instead.

While on the way out later that night, Billy had put it back in its sty when it was Bob’s turn for watch. The next thing that I know, I hear “those motherfuckers!” and the boat started riding different. Bob was so pissed that he had turned the boat around and had headed back towards home with the intention of quitting. Ole Captain Dennis wasn’t too impressed with that maneuver and told him so. After Dennis put us back on course, Bob had demanded that a Coast Guard cutter be dispatched to come out and get him. Yeah, that would go over well. I could just hear it now…

Us- April Nicole to Coast Guard Station Portsmouth

Them- Coast Guard Station Portsmouth standing by…

Us- Yes, we would like a Coast Guard cutter to come out and pick up one of our crewmembers, please

Them- April Nicole, is your crewmember having a medical emergency?

Us- Um….no Coast Guard….um…he’s afraid of a plastic pig

Them- (10 second delay) uh…April Nicole,…please repeat?

Us- I have a crewmember afraid of a pig and he would like a ride home

Them- (20 second delay) transmitting false emergencies is a federal offense and will result in a $200,000 fine and 5 years in jail

Us- U.S. Coast Guard, April Nicole

Them- April Nicole, go ahead

Us- So, can he get that ride to get away from the pig that is taunting him? He’s quite distressed

Them- April Nicole, please report immediately to Coast Guard Station Portsmouth for drug tests as soon as you are ashore…out

Anyways, Dennis told Bob to stop being a wuss and act his age. We ending up having a successful trip and, good god, did we taunt that poor bastard the whole time.

As far as the pig goes, it was still sitting in its rightful spot when I blew my back out and had to have surgery.

Bob had long since moved back home. Big surprise, eh?

Wow. I ended up way off the beaten path today. Oh well, I’ll continue this later….

- Colin