Saturday, July 23, 2005

Outdoors with the Codfather

After getting to know The Codfather (aka Daddy Cod) in an earlier post, I thought that I'd show you some instances to prove that it's genetic....that I'm not a moron by choice. Incidentally, most of these "examples" take place in the outdoors where CF really gets back to his hunter-gatherer roots and really comes into his own.

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[authors note: I can count on one hand the instances where I have seen CF lose his cool, this is one]


The Codfather and I had been hearing for some time about how good that the duck hunting had recently been at the Isles of Shoals (You can see some cool pictures of the islands here). More so about a certain "hotspot" that the Codfather's roommate Tim, who also happened to be a New Hampshire Fish & Game officer, had found. Tim wouldn't give up the ghost and tell us exactly where amongst the islands that he was hunting, so after clearing it with the Codmother (I had a dentists appointment), we decided to get together with him and head out one morning before school to see what this "hotspot" was all about.

I woke up around 5am that fateful day, and the Codfather showed up right on time about 10 minutes later. After a 20-minute trip down the coast, we got to the boat-ramp around 5:30 and met up with Tim and his friends (who were already there) and got ready to head out.

The weather was crisp, the wind was light, I was skipping the dentist (my personal hell), we were going to a great spot and I was missing first period of school to go hunting. It couldn't get any better! We were poised to have the hunting trip of our lives!

Then it started....

The normal routine to launch the boat was that The Codfather would back the trailer down the ramp and I would back the boat off and drive it over to the dock, tie it up and wait for him. Well, the backing of the boat down the ramp worked ended up being the best part of the day....

The boat wouldn't start.

CF- why won't it start?

Me- I don't know

CF- well, what's wrong with it?

Me- (thinking that I did something wrong) uh, I'm not sure

CF- fix it if you can

Me- Dad, I'm only 12....

CF- (inaudible mumbling)

Me- (still trying to start it) did you get fuel?

CF- yes, I even took the fuel line out and cleaned it

Me- did you put it back in the boat?

CF- (snickering, while looking at the other hunters now gathered around the boat waitng for us to move) of course I did, how could I forget that? this isn't my first big boat-trip, you know

Me- (looking) well, it's not there

CF- what did you do with it?

Me- Me? Dad, you just picked me up...

CF- dammit! let's go back to the house

(tick, tick, tick)

After the 40 minute round trip to the house (where the fuel line was sitting on the porch right where he left it) and back to the ramp, we found ourselves in a similar predicament. Except that this time around we were pressed for time and CF was getting cranky.

The problem ended up being that the fuel in the fuel line was frozen from CF leaving it out on the porch the night before.

(tick, tick, tick, tick)

After sitting in the truck for 10 minutes to not only thaw out the fuel line, but to also get away from the dirty looks and muttered obscenities from some guys that were getting sick of waiting for us, we were off.

The 6-mile ride out to the "hotspot" was more or less uneventful. The more was when The Codfather got a face full of 38-degree water....the less was when I didn't.

(tick, tick, tick, tick)

With us now being at the "hotspot" which I was familiar with from my summers on the Party Boats, I knew that
that it was going to be much deeper water than we were used to anchoring our decoys in. Trying to help, I passed that information along to CF who had just then received feeling back into his face from the douching earlier...

Me- want me to add some extra line to the decoys? It's kinda deep here...

CF- Nah, they'll be ok.

Me- (dropping the first decoy-anchor over the side) The decoy weights are barely touching bottom and Tim said to add plenty of extra line because of the tide, too

CF- good for Tim, now hand me another decoy

Me- (just wanting to help) I have the extra line ready to go ...

CF- (in that "shut up son, I'm your Dad and I know more than you" voice) they'll be fine

Me- ok....

Well, we wrestled with those decoys for 15 minutes before DC finally said "Screw it, we'll fix them later after we get a few birds down".

(tick, tick, tick, tick)

Hell, that was fine with me. I was quite eager to have some fun. The birds were flying all around us and the guys in Tim's boat (about a half-mile away) sounded like they were fighting off an invasion or something. So, we sat back and waited for the first wave of birds over the decoys.

There ended up being one small problem... the decoys were making like real ducks and hotfooting it away from the boat at a pace that could only be described as "hauling ass!" Of course, now that the decoys weren't sitting properly the ducks wouldn't come near us. They were charging right on over to Tim's spread like Oprah jiggling over to a box of Twinkie's.

Me- (trying to break absolute silence in the boat) sounds like Tim is getting 'em pretty good

CF- (tick tick tick) yup

Me- want to go get those decoys? I'll fix them

CF- nope

Me- but...

CF- (tick, tick, tick, tick) No.

After about 5 more minutes of deathly silence and 30 more yards of hotfooting-it by the decoys...it was time.

tick, tick, tick, BOOM!!

CF- HAUL THAT ANCHOR!!

I scurried up there and hauled that anchor about as fast as any 12 year-old on the face of the earth could haul an anchor. Before I got it all the way in the boat, CF was already on the throttle. We crossed that 100 yards or so of open ocean between us and those wayward decoys in about 6.8 seconds. "Big Daddy" Don Garlits would have been damn proud.

Without stopping the boat and still going about Mach-5, he banked the boat in a hard turn, reached right over the side and grabbed all four strings at once. It really was quite an impressive maneuver.

He started yanking in all 48 decoys as fast as his stubby little arms could yank them, all the while yelling at them like it was somehow their fault for not staying where he wanted them to. "Fucking decoys! Why won't you stay where you're supposed to?!? What the hell is your problem anyways?!? You never do what your told, you friggin' buncha dumbass'!!"

While he was back there yanking, ranting and raving, it crossed my mind that I may be witnessing some sort of psychotic-episode or maybe a transformation, kind of like the Hulk or something. It was at that point, showing wisdom beyond my years, that I decided to tuck myself up in the bow. As far away from the hurricane at the stern as I could get.

I was having a transformation as well, from a normal, healthy child to a triple-jointed circus freak.

After watching the last of the decoys come flying back in the boat looking more like a Bald Eagles swooping down on some poor unsuspecting fish, we headed for home.

That ride home sure was awkward. You want to talk about a small boat getting smaller? I would have rather been at that dentist's appointment than be in that boat right then and there.

It was the first time that I had seen the Codfather lose it, so I didn't know whether to talk to him or to keep my yap shut. Instead of those two choices, I went for option C...trying to untangle the "Leaning Tower of Decoys" on the stern which prompted the only words to be spoken on the ride in...

CF- leave them alone

Me- ok


We got the boat hauled out of the water without incident (hallelujah!) and hopped in the truck to head for home. He immediately apoligized (which is a feat in itself) in his own way for pulling that nutty...

CF- uh...mmmm....uh, sorry about that back there

Me- that's ok, how are you going to untangle those decoys?

CF- I'm not sure. I may have to buy new ones.

Me- oh, that stinks....I don't know why they took off like that, maybe it was the tide?

CF- I do know one thing, I'm going to make sure that I have enough line on them next time for the deep water (giving a knowing smile)

Me- yeah, that's a good idea

CF- I'll do that right when I get home so they are all set. Hey, want to give it a try tomorrow?

Me- I think that I have a dentist appointment....


3 Comments:

At 12:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great piece of writing. I can picture it all except one thing......
Do you think you could show me that triple jointed thing you can do?
~CodGal

 
At 12:10 AM, Blogger The Cod God said...

I'll use all three to slither out of bed and go downstairs when you're not looking...

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger The Cod God said...

quietly intense....that was the worst that I've seen him lose it

 

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