Depot Road

Depot Road is a nice little area in Hampton Falls that caters to the single man without enough money for a hotel room. The man that has it all.... the car whore.

Depot Road is a road that stretches out to the railroad tracks that line the marsh. There is about a mile or so of trails that line the tracks with plenty of hiding places along the way.

While local couples go down there and do their shit, I never did such a thing. At least as far as public records are concerned.

One night after driving around with an ex (and I can't stress the ex part enough) of mine and listening to her blather on about this and that, I found myself tiring of not only listening to her, but of driving as well. Being the nice guy and resisting the urge to kick her to the curb, I figured that Depot Road would be a nice place to park and listen to her utter nonsense and senseless babbling.

Momma Cod, skip this next part

Now, in full disclosure, I have been "observed" doing something wrong down there before. For some reason the policeman couldn't keep his flashlight off of my Tommy-Cod. Then he threatened my female Cod-of-the-week companion with statutory rape as she was a "few years older" than I was at the time. But, that is another story for another time.

So, I had a bit of history amongst the Hampton Falls Police Department to say the least.

Ok, Momma Cod, you can read again

We were innocently sitting there for some time in my truck just talking while it was running with the headlights on. Just like The Beaver would have done. Totally innocent. No funky-monkey stuff going on. Just like when we were dating. But, that explains the reason that we weren't together anymore. I digress...

Around that time I was dying inside. What is worse than listening to some ex-girlfriend complain about this and that if you don't have to? I would rather slam mini-me in a door. I personally couldn't wait until I could put it in drive again to go and drop her skinny ass off at home. Unfortunately that wasn't in the cards just yet.

After what seemed like an eternity to me (it was probably 10 minutes) I suggested that we head back towards her house. After the ex agreed, I put it into gear only to be surprised by a car turning on its high beams directly in front of me.

Oh great. Another cop.

I'm sure that he was all excited to catch "young lovers" in his neck of the woods.

(A quick aside -I don't mind being harassed if I have done something wrong, but when I haven't I tend to get a bit testy no matter who is there.)


This is about how the conversation went....

Police- (walking up to my truck) are you two having fun?

Me- yeah, tons...just look at us

Police- it sure looks like it

Me- yeah, I bet you'd like that

Police- don't be smart with me kid

Me- whatever...what did we do?

Police- you aren't allowed down here at night

Me- since when?

Police- since the sign went up

Me- there isn't any sign

Police- (looking at my driver's license) you're from around here, you should know

Me- well, I don't and I didn't see a sign

Police- yeah, right

Me- (getting pissed at this point) I didn't see a fuckin' sign!

Police- (angrily) want to see it?!?

Me- damn right!


I then get out of my truck and followed him over to a grey sign that was recessed into the brush on the side of the road right where you drive in.

Police- (smugly) see the sign?

Me- that one covered by the bushes?..yeah

Police- read it!

Me- (reading) ok, I did

Police- read it out loud!!

Me- (quite belligerently) I don't have to prove to you that I can read!

Police- READ IT OUT LOUD!!

Me- fuck you!

Police- wow, you're a real tough guy

Me- yeah, that's me

Polie- READ THE SIGN!!

Me- this is stupid, are you gonna give me a fucking ticket or not?

Police- (quite upset at this point) IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!!?

Me- If that will get you to shut the fuck up and leave me alone, yeah!!

Police- FINE!!

He then stormed off to his car to write my ticket.

I couldn't believe that I hadn't just been arrested. Mr Police man said that he didn't know my name or my father, but I think that he did. My Dad had just retired from Hampton's police force as captain that year.

At this point I had worked my way back to my truck and here comes Super Cop. When he got up to my window to hand me my ticket, he couldn't have been nicer. I don't know if it was because he had called me in to the dispatcher and they had said that it was Daddy-Cod's son or he finally realized that you don't need to be a total asshole all the time to the public. I'll never know.

Either way, he gave me a $60 ticket. I then politely told him that he could use it as a suppository and I would see him in court.

Fast forward to 4 months later....

I had to take a morning trip off from the party boats (which cost me $150, dammit!) to go to court to meet this asshole, but I was determined to keep my good name.

After arriving there I realized while watching a few cases that I wouldn't get "my moment" anytime soon and I would probably miss the afternoon trip as well. I then went downstairs and paid the $60 fine because I couldn't waste anymore time on this douchebag.

The Man wins again!

------------------

A couple of months later I received an early Christmas present....a $60 check from Hampton Court stating that I had been found "not guilty"

I have my theories as to why I was found "not guilty", but I'll keep them to myself for now.


I do know that the officer who gave me a hard time lost his job for picking up transient men and raping them on a regular basis. Seriously.

He got his.